Being pregnant is hard enough as it is but throw in the fact that we go into labor at unpredictable times in unpredictable circumstances, and it becomes even harder. Even the basics that seem to be a no-brainer can still sometimes throw you for a labor-loop. I know, I’m a labor and delivery nurse.
So, naturally, your survival instinct will tell you to do one of three things.
- Try to plan EVERYTHING because it gives you a sense of control over something you know that you are somewhat helpless against.
- Let everything go and take it as it comes because, what’s the point?
- Blame the people that are supposed to be experts when things don’t go as planned.
Eh. None of these things are a great idea.
- Planning too much and writing every single thing you can think of down as a deal breaker is probably more counter-productive than anything else.
- Jumping in head first, blindfolded into one of the toughest feats you’ve probably ever encountered in your life is just crazy. I get that you’re no expert, but you need to have prepared yourself a little bit. YOU are the only one who can do this.
- It’s easy to want to point the fingers of blame at the people who you expect to be something that they just aren’t. If you have unrealistic expectations about the people who will be with you during labor and birth, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
So [shocker], as a labor and delivery nurse who sees people battle these things every day, I am going to give you some advice from the perspective of a nurse on your health care team.
I want you to have the birth experience you’re looking for and I would love to hear that everything went perfectly as planned or exactly how you expected.
So, in order for your expectations to become your reality when you deliver in a hospital, there are things you just NEED to know. The wait is over. Here are the 8 things that your labor and delivery nurse really wants to say to you.
- Related Read: The Best Way To Make Your Birth Plan Your Reality
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Please note: The views on this website are personal opinions only and do not represent the opinions or policies of any provider or institution that I am affiliated with. I am not giving medical advice. Information on this website is not intended to diagnose, or treat any form of any disease. This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am only telling you what my experiences are. Please refer to my Disclaimer Page for more information
1. You Should Come Prepared
If you just think about this one, it’s pretty obvious. If you don’t know what to expect from yourself, your body, your baby, your team, or your time when your having a baby, you’re going to be thoroughly confused and unable to make decisions for yourself when a time comes that you’ll need to.
You’re a mom now. Pull it together. Figure out what labor and birth is all about.
I absolutely LOVE this post that Elaine from Mom Blog Life wrote regarding the total, unapologetic TRUTH about what to expect during labor. So real!
Bring your birth plan
Yes! I said it once and I’ll say it again! Bring your birth plan. No matter what that means to you, it’s important that you have some sort of semblance of a plan. That means that you’ve put thought into your childbirth, you’ve done your research about what you hope for in labor, and you’ve made educated decisions for yourself. These are all great things for a mother to do to prepare herself for labor and delivery.
Just remember, a birth plan is any plan that you have for your labor and birth. It can be written down or just in your mind. It can even just be a discussion with your labor and delivery nurse. It’s anything you want it to be, as long as you’ve made some kind of plan.
Trust me, birth plans can be drastically different. In the same night I’ll have a patient with the plan to go all natural and a patient that plans to get an epidural with her first contraction. A plan is a plan.
A birth plan is a way to keep you focused, motivated, and informed on one of the biggest days of your life. As long as you do it right, a birth plan is an awesome tool to use in labor.
Don’t go overboard
I’m going to tell you the truth. The rumor that labor and delivery nurses don’t LOVE birth plans is actually pretty true. But there are reasons behind it.
Some people take it too far. If you come in with a birth plan that lists strict needs and rigid requests, it kind of seems like you just assume that the health care team is there solely, provide you with ice chips and reassure you that the baby is ok when you ask, and draw up the birth certificate paper work.
Don’t forget one other minor thing labor and delivery nurses do
We make sure you don’t die.
Your health care team is there to keep you and your baby safe and healthy throughout labor and birth. So, yeah, when your birth plan gets in the way of the safety of you or your baby, yeah, we want to put it in the shredder.
Are you planning to write a birth plan that lists every possible detail of your experience, is condescending, is demanding without any regard for hospital policy, and is completely inflexible? Then fine, your nurses are going to feel like they drew the short stick being assigned to you.
But if you write a condensed, informed, knowledgeable, realistic, plan that leaves room for emergency situations and keeps all parties involved safe, we will LOVE IT!
2. We Are Professionals
Please remember who the members of your team are. Your doctor is specialized in obstetric medicine. Your midwife has extensive training in safe vaginal births. And best of all *wink*, your nurse is focused on assessing your signs, symptoms, vitals, and fetal well-being so that we can prevent poor outcomes. (AKA things you really don’t want- ya feel me?)
We are not a hotel who’s sole purpose is to make you comfortable. We are not a restaurant that just brings you the things that you ask for. You can’t expect us to be door men that regulate every visitor who walks in and out of your room.
It’s too important not to repeat– you don’t want us to treat you like we are a hotel, a restaurant, or anything other than a hospital. No matter if you THINK you want that, you don’t. When your baby’s heart rate is in the 60s you’re going to be glad we do more than find extra pillows for in between your legs.
- Related Read: Stop Worrying, We’ve Got It Covered: What Your Labor And Delivery Nurses Wish You’d Let Go Of
3. Taking Care Of You Is My Job…
I signed up for this. Helping you labor and deliver your baby is what I chose to do as my life-long career. I know a little bit about it, I’ve done it a couple of times, and I am kinda passionate about it.
So stop planning your labor experience around what you envision a labor and delivery nurse’s job to look like. If you have expectations out of us that aren’t possible, you’re going to be in for a rude awakening.
My job description has a whole lot more in there than what you might think.
…But I don’t work for you
Your health care team does not work for you. I know, I know, it sounds harsh. Just here me out.
Abiding by your every single request is not what we’re trained to do and whether you realize it or not, it’s not what you came to us for either!
Think about why you chose to deliver in a hospital in the first place. You could have chosen to deliver at home, in a birthing center, or somewhere other than a hospital setting.
Alas, here you are. You might have chosen to deliver in a hospital because you were trying to be safe, right? Maybe you thought delivering at home would be nice but you are worried about the risks involved and you want someone who can save you and your baby to be there in case something goes wrong. Am I hitting the nail on the head?
You want to be in the hospital in case there is an unforeseen emergency or a problem that you can’t take care of at home. You are paying the hospital to do their job. Their job just so happens to be to take care of you and make sure your labor and birth is as safe as possible for you and your baby.
Your nurse isn’t there just to look pretty and push drugs when they’re asked for. We are constantly monitoring, watching, and assessing you at bedside and at the nurses station.
The good news is we are on the same page more than you think.
4. There Are Reasons Behind What We Do
There are higher powers controlling what we allow in the hospital. Policies and procedures are put in place that we must follow in order to be in compliance with the hospital’s safety regulations and such. These things are evidence based and put in place due to extensive research.
If you put on your birth plan that your wish is to allow our entire family to be in the room during delivery but the policy states that the maximum visitors at a time is 3, that doesn’t mean that they will lift the rule for you because you’re special. These regulations will remain the same.
There have been many times that I have had to explain to patients that they have to choose between their husband and their doula if they go back to the OR for a c-section. Typically, hospitals will only allow one visitor in the OR no matter what. This is a safety and infection prevention measure.
You have a team of medical professionals who want you to have to birth that you ask for while still maintaining good, safe, practice. No one wants to be in a situation where we could have done something to prevent a bad outcome but we let it slide to make you more comfortable.
5. We Aren’t All The Same
Trust me, the worst thing you can do is to make assumptions about your nurse or doctor that create a negative relationship right off the bat.
Don’t assume anything. Just because you read somewhere that the labor and delivery nurses and doctors are the enemy that just wants you to have a [super convenient and totally fun] c-section and we all hate natural birth, doesn’t mean you should believe it.
We aren’t all anti-birth plan. We don’t roll our eyes at the thought that you think you can make decisions for yourself. Of course we don’t hope you fail. The truth is, we want you to make decisions for yourself and we celebrate when your birth plan goes your way.
6. We Are Putting Ourselves At Risk
When you decide to take complete control over your labor interventions and stop allowing your health care team to help you, you are not only putting you and your unborn child at risk, but you are putting us at risk. This is our life. We do this because we love it and because it supports our families.
Doctors, nurses, anesthesia providers, and all of your health care team have to follow hospital guidelines and policies to protect you from harm and themselves from liability. Do you really expect anyone in your team to risk their license because you’re trying to convince them that you know better? You can’t expect that of them.
These are real people. I don’t think you would risk your job or your future for someone trying to convince you to do your job a way that goes against all company standards, would you? It’s the same thing.
If something is going on that requires intervention, you can bet that your nurse or doctor is going to try to convince you to stray from your plan. We want the best for you.
7. You’ve Got To Trust Us
When doctors try to convince you to receive a certain medication or consent for surgery, it’s not because it’s fun to convince you to do what we want. It’s because they have seen bad outcomes. They know the risks. Their whole job is to protect you and your baby during labor. That is what they are trying to do. So let them. Ask questions and when they give you answers, believe them.
Be smart when handing over your trust
Want a really super important border-lining-genius piece of advice? Don’t blindly trust information you read on the internet. I mean, for goodness sake, THINK about this one.
You are making a decision to trust someone and not trust someone else, right? You are consciously making the decision to trust a non-medical professional stranger on the internet and choosing to distrust the medical professional right in front of you looking at your chart and your personal medical history? REALLY?
Girl, no. Be smart about this. No one (NO ONE) on the internet knows your specific situation with this specific pregnancy with this specific baby. The doctor right in front of you making decisions about your health care with you is highly trained and experienced. Why in heavens name would you choose to trust the former?? It baffles me.
If you can’t trust your health care team, you might want to consider getting a new one. You absolutely MUST go into the hospital knowing that you are in good hands and that you can trust your team.
8. I Already Want The Best For You
You don’t have to remind your nurse to be a good person. Unless you get really unlucky, she probably already is. Her whole job is focused around taking care of you. She wants the best for you and your baby.
The best part about being a labor and delivery nurse is to watch our mommies give birth and then see the utter joy and amazement on their faces. We want nothing less.
- Related Read: The Day I Became A Mother: Our Birth Story
Did you know most of these things? Do you plan on delivering in the hospital? What expectations do you have of your health care team? Let me know in the comments below!
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