What Not to Do When Visiting a New Mom: 10 Common Mistakes to Avoid
When a new baby arrives, friends and family are naturally excited to visit and meet the newest member of the family. It’s a joyful time, and most people genuinely want to support the new parents during those early days. But the postpartum period is also a time of major physical recovery, emotional adjustment, and extreme sleep deprivation for the new mom.
For mama, the days after bringing home a baby can feel overwhelming. She may be healing from birth, feeding the baby around the clock, and learning how to care for a newborn while running on very little sleep. While visitors often come with the best intentions, certain habits or comments can unintentionally add stress rather than provide support.
Understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom can make a big difference in how helpful your visit actually is. A thoughtful visit should make life easier for the family, not more complicated. In this guide, we’ll walk through 10 common mistakes to avoid when visiting a new mom and how you can offer meaningful support during the postpartum period.
If you're looking for the other end of this coin, visit this post where we go over 12 things that you should be doing to support a new mom in your life.
Wondering who I am and why I'm giving advice? I'm a mom of three and a labor and delivery nurse. I've assisted in thousands of births and helped countless women on their journey to an empowered motherhood journey. I want to bring my knowledge and genuine mom advice to you. I'm so glad you're here. If you're looking for someone to talk to or lean on in this new mom life, I'm your girl.
Understanding the Postpartum Period
The postpartum period—often called the “fourth trimester”—is the time after a baby is born when a mother’s body heals and the family adjusts to life with a newborn. While this stage can be incredibly special, it’s also physically and emotionally demanding. New moms are recovering from birth, managing hormone changes, and waking frequently throughout the night to care for their baby.
During these early weeks, daily life can feel unpredictable. Feeding schedules, diaper changes, and soothing a newborn can take up most of the day and night. On top of that, new moms may still be healing physically and adjusting to the emotional ups and downs that often come with postpartum hormones.
This is why it’s so important for visitors to understand how to support a new mom postpartum. Thoughtful visits can provide encouragement and practical help, while certain behaviors—often unintentional—can add stress during an already overwhelming time. Being mindful of what truly helps can make your visit a positive and supportive experience for the whole family.
10 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Visiting a New Mom
When visiting a new mom after her baby arrives, most people genuinely want to be supportive. But during the postpartum period, even small things can feel overwhelming for parents who are adjusting to life with a newborn. Understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom can help ensure your visit is truly helpful rather than unintentionally stressful.
The goal of visiting a new family should always be to make their lives a little easier. That might mean putting “holding the baby” on the back burner, keeping visits short, offering practical help, or simply being mindful of what the new mom is going through physically and emotionally. A thoughtful approach can make your presence feel supportive instead of overwhelming.
Here are 10 common mistakes to avoid when visiting a new mom, along with ways to be more helpful during this important time.
1. Staying Too Long
New parents are often running on very little sleep, especially during the first few weeks with a newborn. While they may appreciate visitors, long visits can quickly become exhausting. A new mom may feel too polite to say she needs rest, even if she’s completely drained.
Keeping visits short is usually the most respectful approach. A quick visit to drop off a meal, check in, or meet the baby can feel supportive without disrupting the family’s routine. If the parents seem tired or the baby needs attention, it’s always okay to wrap up the visit early.
Being mindful of your time is one of the simplest ways to avoid adding extra stress when visiting a new mom. Often, shorter visits are much more appreciated during the postpartum period.
2. Expecting to Be Hosted
When visiting a new mom, it’s important to remember that she is still recovering from birth while caring for a newborn around the clock. The postpartum period is not the time for parents to feel pressure to entertain guests, prepare food, or keep the house clean.
Sometimes visitors unintentionally create this pressure by expecting drinks, snacks, or conversation as if they were visiting under normal circumstances. Even small expectations can add stress to a mom who is already exhausted and adjusting to a completely new routine.
Instead, come with the mindset of being helpful rather than being hosted. Offer to grab your own water, tidy up the kitchen, or help with a quick chore before you leave. When visitors take this approach, it can make a new mom feel supported rather than responsible for taking care of others.
3. Showing Up Unannounced
Life with a newborn can be unpredictable. A new mom may finally have the baby asleep, be trying to rest herself, or be in the middle of feeding or soothing the baby. When visitors show up unexpectedly, it can disrupt those fragile moments of rest and routine.
Even if you’re close to the family, it’s always best to check in before stopping by. A quick text asking if it’s a good time to visit gives the parents the chance to decide what works best for them that day. Some days they may welcome a visit, while other days they may simply need quiet time to rest.
Being mindful about scheduling visits is an important part of understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom. Giving her the ability to plan ahead helps reduce stress and ensures that your visit feels supportive rather than overwhelming.
If you're on a time crunch and now is the only time you're available to drop off coffee or a meal, leave it on their doorstep and send them a text to let them know.
4. Giving Unsolicited Parenting Advice
New moms often receive advice from every direction—family members, friends, social media, and the internet. While most of it is shared with good intentions, hearing constant opinions about feeding, sleep, or baby care can quickly become overwhelming.
When visiting a new mom, it’s helpful to remember that she is already learning and adjusting to life with her newborn. Offering advice that wasn’t asked for can sometimes make her feel judged or like she’s doing something wrong, even if that wasn’t your intention.
Instead of jumping in with suggestions, focus on listening and offering encouragement. If she asks for advice, share gently and from a place of support. Otherwise, a simple “You’re doing a great job” can be far more meaningful during the early postpartum weeks.
5. Saying Things That Minimize Her Experience
The postpartum period can bring a wide range of emotions. Many new moms feel joy and excitement, but they may also feel exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure as they adjust to caring for a newborn. During this time, certain comments—often meant to be encouraging—can unintentionally make a mom feel dismissed or misunderstood.
This is why it’s helpful to be mindful of things not to say to a new mom. Comments that downplay the challenges of the newborn stage can make it harder for her to talk openly about how she’s feeling.
Some common phrases that can feel unhelpful include:
- “Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
- “Enjoy every moment—it goes by so fast.”
- “Just wait until the next stage.”
While these comments are usually shared with good intentions, they can make a new mom feel like she shouldn’t talk about the difficult parts of early motherhood. A more supportive response is simply acknowledging that this stage can be challenging and offering encouragement instead.
6. Only Focusing on the Baby
When visiting a family with a newborn, it’s natural for everyone to be excited about the baby. Many visitors immediately ask about the baby’s sleep, feeding schedule, or milestones. While those questions come from a place of excitement, it’s easy for the new mom to feel like she’s fading into the background.
The truth is that the postpartum period is a major transition for mothers as well. She may be recovering physically, adjusting emotionally, and learning how to care for a newborn all at the same time. Taking a moment to check in on how she is doing can mean a lot during this stage and maybe even offer up some advice on how she can give herself some easy and much-needed postpartum self-care.
Instead of only focusing on the baby, try asking questions like, “How are you feeling?” or “How are you doing today?” These simple check-ins show that you care about her well-being, not just the newest member of the family.
7. Asking to Hold the Baby Instead of Helping
When visiting a new family, it’s completely natural to want to hold the baby. Newborns are adorable, and many visitors look forward to getting a chance to cuddle the newest little member of the family. However, during the postpartum period, what a new mom often needs most isn’t someone to hold the baby—it’s practical help around the house.
When visitors immediately ask to hold the baby, it can sometimes leave the new mom still responsible for everything else, like cleaning up, preparing food, or managing household tasks. Instead of assuming she wants a break from the baby, consider asking how you can help first.
Offering to do a small chore, bring a meal, or tidy up the kitchen can be incredibly supportive. If she does want a few minutes to shower or rest, she may gladly accept your offer to hold the baby. Approaching the visit with a focus on helping rather than just visiting can make a big difference in how to support a new mom postpartum.
8. Bringing Germs Into the House
Newborn babies have developing immune systems, which means they can be more vulnerable to illness during the first few weeks of life. While most visitors would never intentionally put a baby at risk, it’s important to be mindful of health when visiting a new family.
If you’re feeling sick, even with mild symptoms like a cold or sore throat, it’s best to postpone your visit until you’re feeling better. A simple message letting the parents know you’ll visit another time shows that you care about their baby’s health and well-being.
It’s also helpful to wash your hands when you arrive and follow any guidelines the parents may have about holding the baby. Being respectful of these precautions is an important part of understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom, and it helps keep both mom and baby safe during the postpartum period.
9. Creating More Work for the Family
One of the most common mistakes people make when visiting a new mom is unintentionally creating extra work for the family. During the postpartum period, parents are already juggling feeding, diaper changes, and very little sleep. Even small additional tasks can feel overwhelming.
Sometimes visitors don’t realize they’re adding to the workload. Things like leaving dishes behind, bringing food that requires preparation, or expecting the parents to clean up after the visit can create more stress during an already busy time.
Instead, aim to leave the home a little easier to manage than when you arrived. Throw away your trash, wash any dishes you use, or offer to help with a quick chore before you leave. Being mindful of these small details is an important part of understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom, and it shows that your visit is truly meant to support the family.
10. Saying “Let Me Know If You Need Anything”
This phrase is one of the most common things people say when visiting a new mom. While it’s meant to be supportive, it can actually place the responsibility back on her to figure out what help she needs and then ask for it.
During the postpartum period, many new moms are already mentally and physically exhausted. Thinking through what help is needed and coordinating that help can feel like one more task on an already long list.
Instead of offering open-ended help, try offering something specific. For example, you might say, “I’m heading to the grocery store later—can I pick anything up for you?” or “Would it help if I folded some laundry before I leave?” These kinds of offers make it much easier for a new mom to accept support.
Being proactive is one of the best ways to show how to support a new mom postpartum and ensure that your visit truly helps the family.
How to Actually Support a New Mom Postpartum
Understanding what not to do when visiting a new mom is helpful, but the real goal is learning how to make your visit supportive and meaningful. During the postpartum period, even small acts of kindness can make a big difference for a family adjusting to life with a newborn.
One of the most helpful things visitors can do is focus on practical support. Simple gestures like bringing a meal, delivering a small gift with postpartum self-care essentials, helping with a quick chore, or running an errand can take pressure off the new parents during a time when they are often exhausted and overwhelmed. Being thoughtful about your visit helps ensure that your presence makes the day easier rather than more stressful.
Emotional support is just as important. Taking a moment to ask how the new mom is feeling, offering encouragement, and simply listening can help her feel seen and supported during this major life transition. Many new moms benefit from knowing that someone cares about how they are doing, not just the baby.
If you’re looking for more ideas, you can also read my guide on how to help a new mom after baby arrives, where I share practical ways friends and family can offer meaningful support during the postpartum period.
The Most Helpful Thing You Can Do
When it comes to how to help a new mom after baby arrives, the most meaningful support usually isn’t complicated. It comes down to showing up with kindness, practical help, and a willingness to make her life a little easier during a time of major adjustment.
The postpartum period is filled with new routines, physical recovery, and emotional changes. Having people nearby who are willing to help with everyday tasks—whether it’s bringing a meal, folding laundry, or watching the baby for a few minutes—can make a huge difference. These small acts of support allow a new mom to focus on healing and bonding with her baby.
More than anything, new moms benefit from feeling supported and understood. Listening without judgment, offering encouragement, and respecting her needs during this time can help her feel less alone as she navigates early motherhood.
The Bottom Line
Visiting a new mom is a special opportunity to support a family during an important moment in their lives. While most people have the best intentions, being mindful of what not to do when visiting a new mom can help ensure your visit truly helps rather than adds stress.
If you know someone who recently welcomed a baby, taking the time to learn how to support a new mom postpartum can make your visit more meaningful for both the parents and their new little one.
