What You Need To Know About Your Pregnancy After Miscarriage
When I miscarried my son in early pregnancy last year, I had no idea how much it would affect my future pregnancies. After I miscarried for the first time (and even the second time), I knew that I would be pregnant again. I knew that this wasn't the end of our journey to grow our family. I had every intention to have a successful pregnancy after miscarriage. What I didn't know – what too expect with my pregnancy after miscarriage.
I had no idea how pregnancy after miscarriage would be different from the others.
There was no way to understand how deeply I was affected by my loss until I got pregnant again.
The good news is that pregnancy after miscarriage is SO possible. Not only is it possible to have a healthy pregnancy after miscarriage but it's possible to have a happy pregnancy after miscarriage.
The less-good news is that it's so much harder than I though it would be.
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Pregnancy After Miscarriage: The Facts
Sometimes your mind might take off with thoughts that you never imagined you would have. These thoughts don't stem from knowledge or fact. Instead, they grow out of fear and doubt. Let's break down the facts. Let's talk about reality. I want you to know the truth.
Let's start with some common questions:
Is it safe to get pregnant immediately after miscarriage?
Everyone is going to tell you when you should get pregnant after miscarriage. Everyone.
Some people will tell you “not to rush” and “let yourself heal”. Ok, well, that's bull. Heal? Ok, so when should I expect that to happen? Am I going to heal completely from this? Should I wait around for that to happen? I think not. If you feel ready to try again, then you're ready.
You can ovulate as early as two weeks after you miscarry. Your doctor might recommend to wait one, two, or even three months after miscarriage before you should start trying again.
My recommendation to you is to ask your doctor why you should wait. When you understand the reasons why your doctor is recommending a certain time frame between pregnancies, you might be able to make a decision as to when you and your partner might start trying again.
My personal experience? I miscarried at 13 weeks and waited two cycles before trying again. I got pregnant right away and miscarried for a second time. After my second miscarriage I decided that I did not want to wait at all this time. I ended up getting pregnant two weeks after that miscarriage and am currently 24 weeks into that pregnancy as I write this post.
Does that help? I thought it might.
Why did this happen? What's wrong with me?
Before the 20th week, pregnancy loss happens in 1 in four pregnancies. Many miscarriages happen because the fetus isn't developing normally and your body recognizes that.
About 50% of miscarriages are not due to anything that you've done or anything that is “wrong with you” but instead are simply due to problems with this baby's chromosomes.
Other reasons you may have miscarried can be due to your chronic illness such as poorly controlled diabetes in pregnancy or thyroid disease.
All of the other reasons for babies lost? We'll never know. Likely, the baby wasn't growing as it should in early pregnancy, the placenta wasn't doing a sufficient job after 12 weeks, or it was a freak accident in later pregnancy.
If you believed that you were doing everything that you could do in order to have a healthy pregnancy, the truth is that there is probably nothing that you could have done differently to save your baby's life. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.
Am I going to miscarry again?
Listen, I understand the fear that this is going to be a recurrent problem. I miscarried two pregnancies in a row and thought the sky was falling.
The reality, though, is that most women who miscarry will go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy afterwards. Only one percent of women have recurrent miscarriages.
Try your best to believe that this pregnancy is different and that it will result in a sweet baby to hold and love in the end.
What can I do to prevent recurrent miscarriage?
All you can ever do to improve your chances for a healthy pregnancy is to make healthy choices for your body and your baby.
- Take a prenatal vitamin
- Limit caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs
- Continue to engage in mild exercise
- Stay out of hot baths or Jacuzzis
- Drink lots of water
Just remember, miscarriage is not your fault. Even if you do everything right, sometimes your baby just wasn't growing as it should have despite your effort in being the best mother you could be.
Pregnancy After Miscarriage: What To Expect
The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy after miscarriage is a beast. Having a miscarriage in your history can make you feel isolated, misunderstood, and even judged. Being pregnant after miscarriage can make you feel an even more intense river of emotions. You may feel a blend of anticipation and heartbreak, excitement and fear, hope and disbelief.
Here are the things that are totally expected during pregnancy after miscarriage:
Trying To Conceive after loss Was Emotionally Taxing
Getting pregnant prior to ever having a miscarriage is mostly full of hope and excitement. Getting pregnant after miscarriage is difficult for a multitude of reasons.
You might have wondered if you were physically or emotionally ready for another pregnancy. It might have been difficult because “trying to get pregnant” sometimes felt like “trying to replace the baby you lost”.
These feelings are normal. You're not a bad mother for feeling them. You are feeling exactly what you are supposed to be feeling in these moments and it is O.K.
The Excitement Of A Positive Pregnancy Test Might Be Tainted
When I found out that I was pregnant after miscarriage, I was ecstatic. I was overwhelmed with joy, excitement and optimism. I put together a sweet little boxed gift to give to my husband to announce our pregnancy. I was smiling, I was happy, and I couldn't wait to tell him that we are going to have a baby!
When my husband opened the box, we got excited together until something came out of my mouth that I never expected. Within the conversation that we had, I found myself saying things along the lines of “if this one lasts” and “but it's still early, so we will see”.
Sad, but true.
I never had to say things like that with pregnancies prior to miscarriage.
It's O.K. and it's normal to feel this way.
The Trauma of Your Miscarriage Will Rear It's Head Every Time You Pee
As I write this post I am now 24 weeks pregnant and I can tell you as a matter of fact that since my miscarriage last year, I have not gone to the bathroom once without checking the toilet paper for blood and glancing in the toilet for red drops in the water.
Going to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night and sleepily keeping my eyes closed throughout the process is not a reality anymore. Having a miscarriage is traumatizing and this is the result.
No matter how far into my pregnancy I get, I will not be able to use the bathroom without the flashback of what I found on the toilet paper at 13 weeks with my last pregnancy.
I'd be willing to bet that you feel the same way if you are pregnant again after miscarriage. I won't tell you that it gets easier and I can't tell you when this feeling will go away. All I can tell you is that you're not alone.
You'll Google Too Much
Even if you've had prior pregnancies with good outcomes, you will feel as if you suddenly know nothing about pregnancy and what is normal. You'll google search normal early pregnancy symptoms, what to avoid in early pregnancy, is spotting in the first trimester of pregnancy normal, and about a million other phrases that you never seemed to consider before your pregnancy loss.
Although I know that I will never successfully convince you to stop googling (because I'm just like you, believe me), I do hope to encourage you to take what you read with a grain of salt. The people on the internet are not you. Their pregnancies are not yours. Your situation is different and their “normal” is not your “normal”.
Take your pregnancy one day at a time and try to educate yourself with information from good sources and from people that you trust. Panicking after reading a terrifying prognosis on the internet is never a good idea.
You'll Worry About Pregnancy Symptoms
There are many normal symptoms in pregnancy that may also be associated with early miscarriage.
Every tiny spot of blood, every mild “menstrual-like ” cramp, and every possible symptom that you might be feeling will trigger something in you that says “is this a sign of miscarriage?”.
Your miscarriage was a shock. It came out of nowhere. So this time you feel like you want to catch it somehow or expect it before it comes. You're trying to protect yourself by preparing for the worst.
I know what you're feeling, and I know how easy it can be to go down the rabbit hole with every ache and pain but try your best to rest your mind. There's no way to know that it's going to happen before it does. Worrying won't get you anywhere.
You'll Worry About Lack of Pregnancy Symptoms
While some women may be full of symptoms in early pregnancy, you may be feeling nothing at all. This, of course, is perfectly normal! Everyone experiences pregnancy in their own way. Some women can tell that they are pregnant right away and others feel totally normal for weeks or even months into their pregnancies.
Suddenly, though, now that you have experienced loss, you hope and pray for pregnancy symptoms so that you can have some reassurance that things are changing the way that they are supposed to.
Even if you start to feel all of the normal pregnancy symptoms that you expected to feel, the second they start to subside, you'll fear that the loss of symptoms is an indication of a loss of pregnancy.
Understandable, yes, but unnecessary. You do not have to fear lack of symptoms. Please, give yourself a break and allow your body to do what it's job without constantly analyzing.
You'll Start To Obsess Over Your Baby's Progress
Remember when I talked about googling everything? Don't be surprised when you find yourself googling “how soon can you feel your baby move in pregnancy?” and then expecting to feel your baby's movements at the earliest possible moment. And if you don't? You'll obsess over why you're not feeling them yet and when they might start showing up.
The same goes for every bit of progress that you expect your baby to be making. Movements, growth, and everything in between, you're going to constantly wonder if you and your baby are on track.
Because of this obsession, the first trimester will be particularly difficult for you. You're going to feel desperate for the comforts of the second trimester and then the reassurance from feeling your baby move. Until these milestones, you're not going to be comfortable in your pregnancy. This is expected. Hang tight. It will get easier.
You Won't Stop Worrying When You Expect To
All the milestones that you meet, you'd think that the worrying would subside. Unfortunately, even though you thought that you'd be fine once this-or-that happens, you might not be. You might have fear of loss far longer than you ever expected to.
I thought that as soon as I passed the gestation which I lost my previous pregnancy, I would feel better that it wouldn't happen again. The same thing happened with every milestone that was supposed to make me feel more confident. Second trimester, feeling the baby move, reaching 20 weeks, even reaching viability. These things felt amazing, yes, but it didn't diminish the fear like I thought it might.
You'll Question Everything You Do or Did During Your Last Pregnancy
Most likely, you never got answers as to why you lost your baby. Most miscarriages have no rhyme or reason to them no matter how far we dig for answers.
Because of this, being pregnant after a loss creates more questions than you ever thought you had. What did I do wrong? What can I do differently?
Being pregnant this time around, I have been painfully conscious of everything I eat, the position I sit/lie in, everything that I eat and even everything else that I put into or onto my body during my pregnancy.
What did I do last time? Could that have caused my baby to die? What can I do this time to ensure that this baby has the best chance?
I asked these questions hundreds of times even before I heard my baby's first heartbeat. Trying to do things differently this time began immediately after I got my first positive pregnancy test.
Does it make sense? Maybe not. Will it help save this baby from the same fate? I'll never know.
But I think that this reaction is normal. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that every woman whose lost a baby in utero goes through the same thing after getting pregnant again after miscarriage.
Being Monitored Causes Anxiety
Mo matter how reassured you've been by the progress of your pregnancy, by the kicks you've been feeling, or the movements you've been tracking, you might get anxious any time your nurse or provider attempts to find your baby's heartbeat.
Whether it's your doctor at a clinic appointment or a labor and delivery nurse in the hospital, those few seconds that it takes for them to track your baby's rhythmic heart cause your own heart to race a little bit every time.
Although in my heart, I know that everything is fine, my mind starts to run away with terrible thoughts as soon as the ultrasound gel hits my skin – even if I just felt the baby move five minutes ago.
You Might Still Experience Jealousy after pregnancy loss
You're not alone. Not even close. But when you see a pregnant woman cradling her 8-month-pregnant belly, you may still feel like you're the only the one in the world that has experienced the loss that you've endured. You'll see these pregnant women as somehow better than you, somehow happier, or more at peace.
It's hard to admit, but even being pregnant, seeing other pregnant women who have never experienced loss can sometimes trigger envy in me. Envy for their innocence, for their ignorance. I wish I had that blissful ignorance again, not knowing what it's like to lose a child.
Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Overcoming Fear
Talking about your experience with loss is not an easy feat. There is not much more difficult to get comfortable talking about than a mother's devastation. It's uncomfortable, it's painful, and it's unfairly embarrassing.
Regardless of those truths, another truth is that the more you talk about it, the less scary it will be. Sharing your story and your feelings with people that may have similar stories to you or similar experiences can be healing and give you strength.
The path to overcoming fear includes talking about your fear and not bottling it up. Here's how:
Join a Pregnancy Loss Support Group
I don't even mean officially. You don't have to go around searching for an organized group of people to connect with in order to be in a “support group”. After miscarrying, I could not believe how many people opened up to me about their own experiences with miscarriage. I was blown away with how many people came forward with advice and empathy.
No matter how you go about finding your “group”, support is your goal. Finding people that have been through what you're going through is comforting, especially if they have had healthy pregnancies post miscarriage.
Talk To Your Doctor
Believe it or not, your doctor has seen this time and time again. Your doctor has experienced loss with their patients, has seen them through their grief and then walked them through successful pregnancies after miscarriages.
Take advantage of their experience and their knowledge by asking them questions. Take your time with them. Tell them what you're worried about and express your feelings to them to help them understand what they can do to help you.
Pregnancy After Miscarriage: You Can Be Happy
The truth is, the grief of losing a baby doesn't just go away. When you get pregnant after miscarriage, you will still feel the heartbreak that you've been feeling every time you think about who that child might have been.
The good news is that you can still find happiness through the grief in this pregnancy.
This pregnancy can be full of joy and excitement just like you prayed for!
Ever how hard it is to believe, the love and joy that you can experience in your pregnancy after loss can be full and abundant just like you've always wanted.
These are some ways that you can choose happiness in your pregnancy after miscarriage:
Bond With This Baby
This is not the time for keeping your guard up. I know it's hard. I know that you want to protect yourself from the hurt that you remember so clearly. Break through this fear and allow yourself to connect with this baby and not hold a grudge against this life for the loss of another.
No matter how many losses you've had in the past, it doesn't make the life within you any less alive. It doesn't make this baby any less real. Your baby's needs are the same as any other's. They need your love and care in every difficult movement.
Take your time when you find out that you're pregnant to have all of the emotions. Experience your fear, your hesitance, and any other pressing feelings that you might have but give yourself a time limit. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the negative emotions associated with pregnancy after miscarriage.
Once you've given yourself the time that you need to mourn the difficult parts of pregnancy after miscarriage, give yourself a special day. Write a letter to yourself. Write a letter to the baby you lost. And write a letter to your new baby. Say a prayer for this pregnancy and start anew on this special day by dedicating yourself to this new pregnancy.
Journal Everything During Your Pregnancy After Loss
I know what you might be thinking. “I don't want to waste my time starting a journal that will end in tragedy again”. Don't let this thought take over your happiness! When I was pregnant with the child that I lost, I had started a journal. How was I supposed to know that the pregnancy would end so soon? Having the journal was hard at first. Looking back on the hopeful pages only to see an abrupt end in entries was heart-wrenching.
What would be more heart-wrenching? Not having the memories written down to look back on. To have an empty keep-sake box. To have nothing left of this baby that I already miss so deeply. All of this matters.
But what matters even more?
That this pregnancy is different. This baby is real. There is a new life within your womb and you deserve to enjoy every moment. You deserve to revel in every excited thought and every happy day dream. Write it all down and don't let grief get in the way of your hope for the future.
Start A Pregnancy Keep-Sake Box
I mentioned a keep-sake box a moment ago. I have a keep sake box for each of my pregnancies.
I keep my positive pregnancies tests, my journals, footprints, first onesies, and all other sentimental items within these boxes to look back on and remember the feelings and the strong emotions associated with each item.
Celebrate Every Little Pregnancy Milestone
Celebrate all of the moments in your pregnancy that you feel like “we made it”. You don't have to wait until the birth of your baby to celebrate the life inside of you. Celebrate by checking the pregnancy app on your phone and keeping track of your baby's big steps towards life outside the womb.
Don't Be Afraid To Pray For This Baby Too
You prayed for the baby you lost. You asked for a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy. For reasons you may never fully understand, your prayers were not answered the way that you hoped that they would be.
Don't let that stop you from praying whole-heartedly for this baby to be healthy and for this pregnancy to be full term.
The loss of one child should not allow you to lose hope for another. The fate of the baby you lost has nothing to do with the plan that God has for this baby. There is no need to feel guilty asking with every ounce of strength that you have for God to bless this pregnancy.
Pregnancy After Miscarriage
Mama, you have suffered enough. Don't less this pregnancy be harder than it needs to be. Allow yourself to experience the joy you deserve.
Although your heart aches, your body is doing something incredible. It is carrying new life. Your body is growing a body, a heart, and a mind that you will love for the rest of your life. Not matter what you've been through in your past, the promise of the future that this pregnancy holds is worth holding on to.
Accept this pregnancy. Accept your body. Know that this time is different. Understand that you can have a beautiful, happy and healthy baby. Keep your faith, mama. Never stop praying for what your heart wants.
You have no idea what is in store for you and I am excited to find out with you!
Leave a comment below to tell your pregnancy after loss story! I'm here for you and would love to hear about your experience.
What To Read Next:
- How To Care For Your Heart After Miscarriage or Stillbirth
- First Trimester Bleeding – Why It Happens and What It Means
- 26 Early Signs Of Pregnancy Before Your Missed Period
- What To Do When You Find Out You’re Pregnant
- Your Second Trimester To-Do List: What To Get Done Between 14 and 27 Weeks
Hi, last week I found out that my baby’s heart had stopped beating. I was 12 weeks into my pregnancy. We are devastated and heartbroken. All I can think about is getting pregnant again although I am terrified of this happening again. Thank you for telling us your story. It gives me some hope that I will experience a healthy pregnancy next time. X
Kate, I am so sorry about your loss. My miscarriage was right around that time as well. It is absolutely heartbreaking. Don’t feel guilty about your feelings. If you want to get pregnant again, then you should do it! If you are afraid of getting pregnant, then you should wait until you are ready. Do what feels right for you. There is absolutely hope! I will be praying for you!
I can relate, I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this same pain.
Aw, thanks Kate.
I had two miscarriage,I was very hurt.now I’m scared to fall pregnant again.
Thanks
I understand the fear, mama. Hang in there. Everyone grieves differently and it’s important that you only move forward with what feels most comfortable and healing to you.
Sorry hey.just lost my preg two weeks ago trying for another baby.lm fertile this whole week pray for me ladies to get pregnant again this month
You’re in my thoughts!
I appreciate you sharing your story. It brought me to tears
but also gave me so much comfort knowing I am not alone in so many of my feelings. I am a 26 year old type 1 diabetic and also have thyroid issues. My husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy two years ago before we were married. We had the chance to get into the doctor very early due to being high risk and I will never forget hearing our babies heartbeat for the first time. It came with sadness as they told me the heartbeat was faint and slower than expected. I tired to have hope in their statement that it could possibly be stronger and faster at the next visit. I found out I miscarried at 8 weeks and was devastated. I have several older sisters all with multiple children and it is all I had ever wanted even if it wasn’t planned. We recently found out we were pregnant again and had so much excitement but also fears. I said the same things ,” if this one lasts” or if everything goes well. I couldn’t wait to get past the 8 week mark to feel a little comfort but started spotting and bleeding at 6.5 weeks. My poor husband still had hope when I came out of the bathroom in tears telling him I was bleeding but I knew what was going on. With my first pregnancy I kept everything, pregnancy tests, nursery items etc. and felt so connected to the baby. With this one I did not. It was such a different experience and even now I feel like the second one has almost been easier because I’ve been through it before. I’ve been cleared by both my OB and my endocrinologist to start trying again as soon as I want to and plan to start again in one week. It took us 9 months once we started trying after the first miscarriage and am hoping and praying it goes more quickly and to have a healthy newborn baby in my arms one day soon. I’m sorry for the long comment but really needed to share and again thank you for sharing your story for others to see. And congrats on your rainbow baby <3
Thank you, Katie! Don’t be sorry for the long comment!! I appreciate your story so much! It’s something women g through and have a hard time talking about. Sometimes it’s healthy to talk about it. Even if it’s in a comment! I whole heartedly believe that you will have a healthy baby in your arms sooner than you think. I’m sorry for what you went through. Stay strong for the baby that is in the works for you!
Hey
Thank you for your post. It has really encouraged me. I had a miscarriage 1week ago. I’m still so devastated even though the doctor said there was just the sac and baby hadn’t started developing.
I’m still healing and grieving, but this time showed me how ready I am to be a Mum and how much that’s what I want. That first pregnancy wasn’t planned, but it made me realize how much I want a baby.
Despite the fact that friends think it’s crazy, I want to start trying again as soon as I can.
Wish me luck!
Thanks again to your wonderful words of comfort; I wish you and your family all good things.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss, Annie. “Just a sac” should not ever be a measure of how sad you’re allowed to be. “Just a sac” was still a pregnancy and a hope for the future.You are going to make an incredible mother one day. If there is ANY silver lining to your devastating loss, it could be that you discovered something about yourself in the process. Now you know that you want to be a mama at this point in your life. Good for you. If you and your partner feel that now is the right time, I think you should go for i! Good luck! I wish you all the best.
I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage 18 months ago. You describe perfectly what I’ve been feeling… especially the constantly looking at the toilet paper to see if there’s blood and the over googling. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing so we know we’re not alone.
You’re never alone, friend. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I know it’s so hard. Hang in there and let me know if you need anything!
We lost our baby at 6 1/2 weeks on December 16th. We got to hear the heartbeat just 3 days before we lost the baby. We had tried for almost 2 1/2 years for that baby and we were crushed.
We just found out on the 20th of January (the day before my birthday) that we are expecting again. We weren’t trying but with it taking so long before we never expected to get pregnant right away. I have so many mixed feelings and I am so thankful for what you wrote. It made me feel less alone. It made me feel like there is hope after miscarriage. We will be praying hard that our baby makes it to full term.
Hi! Reading this post was difficult because of all the tears running down my face. I had two recurrent pregnancies and now am 6 weeks pregnant. I am excited, petrified, happy, sad and so many more feelings.. this is exactly everything I’m experiencing thank you for putting into words what I am feeling. I’m trying to enjoy and not google and worry. All I have to say is thank you for understanding and giving me a breath of relief that I am not alone.
I am so happy that I can be there for you in this way, Kelly. Your pregnancy is in my prayers! I know a little bit about how you’re feeling and I know how hard it can be. Hang in there mama. You are so strong.
Your blog post was exactly what I needed after praying and wondering when I should try again. All the people around me tell me to wait, but my heart tells me to give it a try. I’m going to use your experience as my confirmation to give it a shot. Thanks for posting this!
You are so welcome. Follow your heart and as long as you are healthy and feel good, you and your partner should be able to make this decision whenever you feel ready again.
I have read a lot of articles these past weeks on miscarriage and trying again afterwards. We Just had our first one after trying for a year. Your words really hit home and covered so many aspects that no one else talks about. Thank you for sharing your story. It is giving me hope for these next steps in our journey.
You are very welcome, Callie. I have hope for you and your family! Stay strong in these hard times. Let me know if you need anything at all.
Our first was so easy! Second month of trying, we got pregnant and had the most perfect (zero morning sickness/issues, delivered at 40+4), textbook pregnancy. He’s now nearly 3.
I’m a planner, we were shooting for a 3-year gap… It took us 4 months, but we conceived and then miscarried. It was so drawn out, I spotted for about a week while we were out of town on vacation. When we got back, they got me in for an ultrasound. I was surprised to hear there was a heartbeat (@7w+5), but was measuring 2 weeks behind (5w+5). The doctors tried to be every keel about it, but I knew what was in store, the worst part was waiting, not knowing when it was going to happen… 5 days later it began and I miscarried the next day.
We were told to wait a month before trying again.
3 months later, we’re 4 weeks and my anxiety is crazy… They did blood work as soon as I called, and 48 hours later. All looks good and I got the “congratulations,” but it’s scary. This blood work is okay, but I didn’t have problems until a few weeks later the last time… They don’t have anything additional planned between now and 6w+4 appointment (maybe blood work then too?) with a nurse and then ultrasound at 8w+6.
Congratulations, mama. I know that it’s scary but it’s worth it to try to overcome that fear as best you can. Treat this pregnancy as something completely separate from the previous one. Good luck at your ultrasound!
Hi Heather, thank you for your post. It’s everything I needed to hear. I’m 4 weeks and scared. I’ve had two miscarriage with a healthy happy pregnancy in between. The fear and worry is not any easier. Both of my miscarriage was very very different. With the sea of red at 6weeks with the first one to finding out at 13weeks the baby’s heart stopped at 10 weeks. A complete slap in the face to think everything was ok and we were about to find out what we were having to having no heartbeat. Now a little over a year later from the second miscarriage we are praying for a happy healthy pregnancy. I said all that to say your blog definitely eased my fear. It’s in God’s hands. Thank you!
Your story touches my heart! I can imagine how you must be feeling. You’ve been blessed with a healthy pregnancy between miscarriages. Hopefully that is giving you hope. But I understand the fear too. Especially after a 13 week miscarriage where the baby’s heart had stopped. That’s similar to what happened to me. I will be praying for this pregnancy for you! I am so so glad that my post gave you some sort of peach in this. And yes, it’s 100% in God’s hands now.
Thank you so much for your words. I miscarries my first pregnancy one week ago at 16 weeks and have had mixed feelings about trying again. I don’t want to replace the little girl We’ve lost but I feel so ready to be a mother. I can’t imagine having to face the heartbreak again if something were to go wrong, but I also can’t see myself waiting to start trying again. Your story and words have given me hope in this uncertain time.
I’m glad I could be even the smallest piece of your recovery. Only you can decide when the time is right for you. Trust your heart. You will always make the right decision for your family.
Thank you for this. I had my second consecutive miscarriage last month and am now waiting for my next “normal cycle” so we can start trying again. They were so different; my first miscarriage I was caught off guard at a 10 week checkup to find out there was no heartbeat and this last time I started bleeding around week 7. I have heard so many stories of loss from friends and family but until now I was the only one I knew that had two in a row. Thank you for being so open. I thank God every day for my beautiful son and pray for one day for a sibling for him to grow up with. Best wishes for your pregnancy and a healthy sweet babe!
Thank you Melissa. After my two consecutive miscarriages I had a beautiful, healthy pregnancy that gave me my second boy. I know you will receive a blessing of your own in time. I’ll keep you in my thoughts!
I am a 30 year old mom and wife. I have had 11 miscarriages( all around 5 weeks) and 1 child(10 years old). I just found out I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am going through an emotional roller coaster, as is my husband. We are excited and scared all at the same time. I try real hard to be positive and joyful but it has been hard for us all. My son has even struggled with it. I have a huge support system, but it doesnt make the fear of loss disappear. I pray that everyone of you finds joy and comfort in your pregnancies and please remember you are not alone! <3 Dava
Dava, thank you so much for your comment. I will not pretend to even begin to understand how you are feeling. You are so strong and I cannot believe what you have been able to endure. Mothers truly are incredible. I will keep this pregnancy of yours in my thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling that this is going to be one of your greatest blessings and I truly hope that to be true for you. You are absolutely right. We are not alone. We are all in this together, ever how far apart we are.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautifully written and brings me to tears. You shared emotions that I’ve been trying to wrap my head around. I had a miscarriage on my first pregnancy at 7 weeks. I just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant yesterday. I am overjoyed, hopeful, and scared. Our first pregnancy, my husband and I shared with our family and friends right away because we were so excited. The pain in sharing our loss was awful. With the news of this pregnancy, we want to keep it private for some time within just our family. I truly appreciate your advice in giving this baby all the love and prayers we can. Thank you.
You are very welcome, Daniela. I wish you all of the best! Stay in touch during your pregnancy!
Not sure if you still read these as it is now June 2020! However your story touched me. I miscarries at 21 weeks and delivered my baby girl March 7, 2020. I went in March 6 for my regular OB appointment and they could not find a heartbeat. I thought I was feeling her move, I thought I knew about pregnancy. This was my 2nd one. My first went ok, I had some issues (blood clot in my lung) but my son was born without issues and he was perfect. We were not planning to get pregnant again. I was tracking everything with the Flo app but today I found out I am pregnant. Ive been shocked, nervous, happy but felt sad I was happy. Then I found your blog. It is very touching and what I needed. Thank you.
After 16 years of trying to have a baby and 3 IUI’s later…we found out we were expecting and we were beyond ecstatic. But at my 12 week checkup there was no heartbeat and I was only measuring 9 weeks. It was a complete shock. It has been one of the hardest things to go through. I had an awful time with the miscarriage and now that my body is finally healing, we are trying again but we do not want to go back to the fertility doctor. Just praying that it will happen naturally. Thank you for sharing your story. Believing with all my heart that we will have a healthy pregnancy soon.
I believe you will too. Hang on to that hope, mama. Your rainbow will come in time. ??
Hi,
My husband and I lost our son on sept 13, 2020 at 19 weeks. I have never known heart ache like this. I delivered him after 18hrs of labor with my amazing husband at my side. this miscarriage happened with out warning after a few yrs of suffering with infertility and lots of trying.
At my 2 week follow up appt postpartum, we found out I have a condition called cervical insufficiency. Hearing it wasn’t my fault apart from my husband telling me daily meant everything. Knowing that it was possible to carry full term with medical interventions gave us hope.
A month later, losing our son has shown me now more than ever that I am ready to be a mother, that I want another baby. the reality of my feelings at the thought of getting pregnant again brought on a roller-coaster of emotions, all of which you penned perfectly. Thank you, you wrote everything I am feeling and thinking!
We will be trying again soon and I pray that we will soon have a positive stick and a little bundle of love in our home and our hearts again!
I suffered a miscarriage 5 months ago, I am pregnant right now, but I am so scared and I could totally relate with your words. I am just praying this baby will grow and be born with no complications.
I feel for you, Melany. I understand how difficult it can be. I will keep you in my thoughts! Sending all the positive vibes your way!
I am so happy to have stumbled across this. I miscarried 1 week ago at 7 weeks. I am 23 years old and all I have ever wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother. I felt so abundantly blessed that both happened in 2020. We were not trying for a baby, yet but as soon as we found out we already loved it so much. I feel upset with myself because when we told our family and friends I would say “it’s still early” and they thought it was so silly for me to say since I am so young and healthy but I honestly worried about every cramp and lack of symptom that I almost expected it to end in miscarriage even though everyday I bonded with the baby and my husband and I prayed heavily for myself and baby to be healthy. I ended up thinking it was silly for me to worry so much for no reason but when I woke up to spotting, I already knew… This all has been a whirlwind of emotions but I am trying to trust God’s plan for us even though we may not understand it. I am so ready to try again already but I am so nervous about what our family will think especially since we annouced our first pregnancy 6 months after being married and they responded with “already?!”. Ugh. Thank you for writing such a beautiful and touching blog that I related to on every level. I am hopeful for God’s plan in my life and every woman who commented with the same experience.
Oh, Molly my heart reaches out to you! Some people might not understand but you need to do what is right for your soul. Sometimes waiting is more painful than trying again right away. Everyone is so very different. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts!
March of this year I went for my 10 week ultrasound and found out I was only measuring 8 weeks with no heartbeat.It took 3 weeks for my body to realize I miscarried. I will be 11 weeks on Monday, going for my first ultrasound and I am absolutely terrified. I have to go alone due to COVID restrictions, and the emotional roller coaster I’m on right now is heart wrenching. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
The fact that you have to go alone is gut wrenching. I can’t stand that that is the new normal. You need support during this time. I will be thinking of you! I hope all is well!
Hi Heather!
I’m so glad I came across your post. Tomorrow would have been my due date but unfortunately 5weeks into the pregnancy I miscarried & went on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Today I am 3days late & finally had the courage to take a test which came back positive. Again I was hit w/ a rollercoaster of emotions. I was in shock to a certain extent due to the same symptoms I showed w/ the first pregnancy then happy that I was officially pregnant then came the “I dnt want to tell anyone just in case my period comes again.” I showed my fiance the test & he was happy then within seconds I couldn’t help but cry & play down my excitement because this wave of fear came over me. I too find myself checking for blood everytime I go to the bathroom & still dnt want ppl to officially know just yet until I’m pass the 12week mark. How I’m going to do that I’m not quiet sure yet lol I have an appointment to try wedding dresses on next weekend & I can’t help but feel like it’s going to be written all over my face that I’m hiding something. All these questions come to mind like am I wasting everyones time w/ a wedding while just finding out I’m pregnant. Do we just elope & have a party after or wait to see if I’ll even get further then I did before. Definitely trying to keep my cool but again mixed emotions are taking a big toll on me.
I can imagine how you must be feeling. The roller coaster is definitely familiar to me. I cannot tell you what to do because we all grieve and cope so differently. For me, it helped telling people about my pregnancy after miscarriage because I felt like it gave me the support that I needed. I told my family and friends early so that if I were to lose the pregnancy, I would have shoulders to cry on. But I know that that approach isn’t for everyone. Also, I want you to remember that the odds are in your favor. Most likely everything will be just fine. As far as your pregnancy goes, if it were me, I would continue on with my plans and wouldn’t change anything! All that you might have to change is your dress size. But that’s just me!
I never thought I’d experience loss. I have one very healthy baby, and we got pregnant with her easily. I thought I was just a super healthy and fertile woman. When I got pregnant again my little girl was only 9 months old. We were so excited because we were trying to have another. I lost my baby, my son, at 6 weeks. I can’t explain how I knew it was a boy, but my husband and I both felt it. I had never experienced such grief without peace. I’ve never questioned or have been upset with God, but I was. I had told my immediate family, and they were there to support me and watch over my daughter while I grieved. Even though this support was immeasurable appreciated, I was also met with what felt like betrayal from other Christian women. They said things like, “but your baby is with God”, “I’ll be praying for you” “God comforts those who mourn”, and other hallmark-like remarks that were utterly lacking empathy. I knew where my baby was, is, but that didn’t comfort me. I had one friend who simply said, “your baby’s life mattered” and that honestly was the most appreciated and comforting gesture.
This month would have been my baby’s due date, and I was dreading it. It hurt, I blocked friends’ posts on social media that we’re having babies this month, I was drowning in my own pity, but I felt like I needed to take a pregnancy test. The week that I should have been having my baby, I found out I was pregnant. I still miss my baby but this one is also a blessing deserving of my love no matter what. I’m not very far along, but I have stupid optimism that God has sent me a rainbow. My nurse is also my neighbor and when I told her the news she got me right in to do some bloodwork, and my numbers are right where they should be. I’m trying to enjoy this early pregnancy without worrying of what could happen. I’m grateful for the support and for your story that you shared. Though I hope and I pray no woman experiences loss, I do value the support from those who have also experienced and healed from it.
I read your blog two years ago while I was pregnant (and even birthing) my daughter, and you were so empowering. I know this post is old, but it brings me comfort and peace. Thank you for your story, I’m so sorry for your loss, and congratulations on your family.
awwww mama.I’m sorry for what you went through and are going through. I’m glad I could help even in a small way. I’m here for you!
Hi Heather,
Thanks for sharing your story!
My story is very similar to yours. I got pregnant on the first month that we decided to start trying and I stopped birth control. Then I had my First miscarriage at 12 weeks, waited 3 months as the doctor recommend and got pregnant again right away, only to have the second miscarriage at 5 weeks. Decided to not wait and now 2 months later, I just found out I’m pregnant again. But my husband and I keep saying things like “if we have this baby” and “if this pregnancy continues” and it makes me so sad that I can’t even properly dream and plan without the trauma of past miscarriages getting in the way. I never realized how traumatized I was, your post really hit home. I keep going to the bathroom half expecting to see blood, it’s such a horrible feeling. And I keep thinking “if I can at least get to 12 weeks okay, then we can start planning”, but I’m not even sure the fear won’t accompany me past that. Anyway, I just wanted to share that it made me feel better to read that you went through something very similar and survived and had your baby. Thanks again for sharing! Much love!
I know it can be tough but it makes it a little less lonely to know that other women are going through it with you. I’m here for you, mama!
Thank you for this post. A week ago today, I miscarried at 12 weeks. The saddest part is that the ultrasound still showed a strong heartbeat just an hour before I delivered. I don’t know why my body rejected the pregnancy, but we are finding comfort in knowing the first person to hold our child was Jesus. I had a miscarriage at 4 weeks 2 years ago and an ectopic 1 year ago. My heart desperately wants to try again soon, but the fear of another loss is so real.
Aww Kelsie, I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers! I totally understand that fear. But I know you will complete your family one day!
Thank you so much for writing this. It really feels like you looked into my mind and heart and wrote exactly how I am feeling and thinking. I am currently 7 weeks with my double rainbow baby and it has been such a hard journey already. Every time I go to the bathroom or I start to feel ‘normal’ I think something is wrong or I will relive that horrible day over again when I miscarried at 6 weeks. My previous pregnancy before my miscarriage was a fatal birth; she had Trisomy 13 and it was a very emotional and extremely hard time and journey. Thank you so much for writing this and helping me to now feel so alone.
Hi Heather, thank you for writing this post. You wrote exactly what everyone felt/is feeling when they been through a miscarriage.. like i have this February, we found out i was pregnant straight away at 4 weeks, never saw blood, just that the baby stopped developing at 5w6d then had to go in hospital and miscarry. It was our first time and i had been wanting to become a mother for as long as i can remember. I was devastated and during the same time my best friend was due with her first baby. Rollercoaster of emotions. I am now pregnant again and have our first scan booked this Thursday.. I haven’t been sleeping properly for a week, even though the first two weeks were kins of ok. Last weekend i started experiencing major anxiety, to the point where I couldn’t snap out of it at work. Reading this post made me hopeful but there’s still that ‘but’ before our first ultrasound. Reading your section regarding having barely or no symptoms at all during this pregnancy, made me hopeful 🙏🏼. My ob-gyn had prescribed me progesterone, aspirin and vit d to start when i get a positive test, which i did and i have good faith in him. I had changed my gynaecologist after my miscarriage as I didn’t feel that good connection with my last during the time i needed her most. I had been her patient for 5 years. Hoping and praying for a heartbeat 🤍 thanks again! X
Congratulations Althea. I know it’s so hard to stay positive sometimes but I’m sending all the positive vibes your way!
Hi Heather – thank you for posting this. It hit home in every way I needed right now. 5 weeks ago we had an ultrasound with no heartbeat for my baby Riley. Yesterday I had a checkup ultrasound that showed I had ovulated again already. It felt like the ultimate betrayal, not only have all my friends and family started moving on from the loss (even though I still cry daily) now my very body was pushing forward to something I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for. It can feel so lonely in this bubble of loss, but you words have encouraged me, thank you so much.
I am so sorry for your loss, Breena. I totally hear what you’re saying about feeling like you and you’re body aren’t on the same side. I felt that way for a little while too. Prayers for you, girlfriend! You’re not alone, even though I know it feels that way.
Hi Heather!
I can’t begin to express how much this post means to me right now. Thank you for your vulnerability, story , and education with regarding miscarriage. I feel it’s a topic not discussed often.
My Husband and I were pregnant for the first time over the summer, and I unfortunately miscarriaged at 5 weeks. I felt my world was collapsing. The emotions of pain and anxiety unraveled in my mind. To the point I was terrified to try again. And the thought of trying to have a baby seemed more of an emotional task instead of a joyful process. However, this article gave me the small hope and encouraged to try again!
With exciting news my Husband and I are pregnant again! I’m excited, hopeful, and a little scared. Overall I feel blessed and hopeful. Thank you again.
Anna-Jane! That’s amazing to hear! I am so so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your pregnancy in my prayers!
It was a year ago today, we found our our babies heart stop beating. The just for fun ultra sound appointment on a friday afternoon. Turned into a total nightmare, Ill never forget. I was 12 weeks and its taken me a year to get the courage up to try again. The grieving process is increadibly difficult. But i have chose to celebrate her in everyway I possibly could think of.
Ill never forget the feelings, emotions and love I had for that baby. And I think we as mothers have a right to give ourselves grace.
Thank you for sharing these stories. It certainly gives those trying to find the courage to conceive again, hope. God bless you an your beautiful family!
Hi… Thank you for the post. I just had 2nd miscarriage a month ago and both my husband and I decided to wait 3 months to try again… And then I found out that I’m pregnant again 3 days ago… Alhamdulillah… So grateful that this is a blessing especially in my age (44) but also scared because the last OB said not to try again after 2 miscarriages…