10 Reasons Why Moms Hate Breastfeeding & How To Make It Easier

Breastfeeding isn't one of those things that you either love or you hate. Instead, many moms who are 100% in support of breastfeeding, love nursing their babies, and enjoy the good parts, actually really hate breastfeeding sometimes. It's just the way it works. Let me tell you why…

Here's the thing. It's true that breastfeeding is a beautiful experience and it's something I wouldn't change for the world. The bonding between my baby and I while we are nursing together is something that I'll never forget… But that doesn't meant that it was always easy – it's not.

Breastfeeding is hard. When you're a new mom trying to learn how to breastfeed their brand new slippery newborn, you have so much to learn in such little time. It's really common to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged, and drained so much so that you're ready to quit before you've really even given yourself a chance to start.

But let me tell you, it DOES get better. Breastfeeding can be a huge challenge at first but there are things that you can do to not only make it manageable but enjoyable too. You do not have to hate breastfeeding. Promise.

Hi Im Heather — Wondering who I am and why I'm giving you advice? I am a mom of three and a labor and delivery nurse. I've assisted in thousands of births and helped countless women on their journey to an empowered motherhood journey. I want to bring my knowledge and genuine mom advice to you. I'm so glad you're here. If you're looking for someone to talk to or lean on in this new mom life, I'm your girl.

Please note: The views on this website are personal opinions only and do not represent the opinions or policies of any provider or institution that I am affiliated with. I am not giving medical advice. Information on this website is not intended to diagnose, or treat any form of any disease. This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am only telling you what my experiences are. Please refer to my Disclaimer Page for more information.

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Why I used to hate breastfeeding too

First of all, let me say this – I love breastfeeding. I do. For many reasons, I have chosen to breastfeed all of my kids past their first birthday. I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding and I will encourage you and help you every step of the way. It is SO worth the struggle that many of us find ourselves fighting through in the beginning.

But yes, it is true. I used to hate breastfeeding.

Before I ever had my first baby, I was a labor and delivery nurse (still am 😉) and I had the privilege of helping new moms nurse their babies for the very first time. It was something I loved to do. I was always so amazed at this incredible women who could not only create and birth their babies but also feed them with their bodies that had just gone through such an incredible and transformative journey. It blew my mind.

But when they would struggle or when they would quickly give up, I felt discouraged for them. I felt sad. It seemed like all they needed to do was try a little harder and it would be fine!

Boy, was I wrong.

Breastfeeding is a complicated beast. It's a mix of physical endurance, mental and emotional strength, and participation of mom AND baby. It's a lot going on all at once. And when even one of those factors are off-balance, it can be the one thing that throws a wrench in the whole experience.

And that's what happened to me. Although I thought I knew what I was doing, my first baby had a severe case of infant acid reflux that made breastfeeding miserable. I considered quitting every week until he grew out of it. Thank goodness I never actually did.

Instead of giving up, I changed things around, I optimized what I could, and I put the effort into enjoying it. I really didn't want to hate breastfeeding. So, in this post, I'll tell you exactly what I did to make it SO much better.

10 Complications that make us hate breastfeeding

So even though breastfeeding is easy to love, it's also kind of easy to hate too. So let's talk about 10 common breastfeeding problems and their solutions, shall we? These are the problems that I have seen women talking about in my private Facebook Support group- The Labor Room and within the Milkies Like You Mean It Course, and of course, I have experienced some of them myself.

1. Nipple pain

It's very common to experience discomfort in the first few weeks or so of nursing. I would even go as far as to say that it's normal. I know, I know, some people are reading that right now, getting red in the face, and about ready to type out a comment that goes something like this “Just because something is common, doesn't mean it's normal! Pain while breastfeeding is not normal!!” But save your typing fingers because I am going to beg to differ here.

Those women that are experiencing pain while breastfeeding are not abnormal. And they aren't always doing something wrong either. It's not always something that can be fixed with a better latch technique or positioning. Sometimes it's something that just needs time. And that's a lot more encouraging to a new breastfeeding mama than “this isn't normal” which is going to discourage her and make her think that it just “doesn't work” for her.

Breastfeeding isn't always painful. But it can be. Especially in the beginning when your nipples are getting used to constantly being suckled and while your baby is trying to figure out the right latch.

Although continued pain throughout your breastfeeding journey isn't normal, pain in the beginning absolutely can be. I'll use myself as an example:

My personal experience with nipple pain

I've had three babies. I've nursed all three. Each time, our first latch was great! No pain, no pinching. The lactation consultant in the hospital was always proud and said “great! You know what you're doing, mama!” and sent us on our way.

But after a day or so of constantly suckling, my nipples started to hurt LIKE CRAZY every single time my baby latched on. The pain would last 30-60 seconds after the initial latch and then it would go away and breastfeeding would become comfortable after that initial moment. This lasted for a couple of weeks. It was honestly so bad that I would cringe and curl my toes. Maybe even let out a curse word every once in a while. It was brutal. But with each baby, it got better with time.

I've heard this story a million times with a million different mama and baby pairs. It's normal. It's normal that your nipples are sore. Does it have to stay that way? No, absolutely not. So let's talk about some solutions that you can use to lessen that pain and make it go away a little sooner.

Tips For Sore Nipples

If your nipples are sore because they are chapped or cracked, my biggest piece of advice for you is to give those nips some TLC. You can do this with some of my absolute all-time favorite breastfeeding products.

Lanolin to heal your nipples and keep them hydrated
or, if you don't like the texture of lanolin, I also really loved this nipple butter
Silverettes to help with pain, soreness, and healing in between feedings
Gel pads for cooling relief

You can also treat your sore nipples by rubbing some of your own breastmilk onto them after you're done with each nursing session. But that doesn't mean you should keep them wet! It's the opposite actually!

Make sure you are keeping your nipples dry between feedings. This means changing out your breast pads frequently whenever they get saturated. But, rubbing on a small amount of breastmilk after each feeding (and then placing a dry breast pad over them) can help with the healing process.

If home treatment for your sore nipples isn't doing the job, don't ignore it. You should get help ASAP if you continue to have unresolved pain while nursing your baby.

Fix your latch – latch is the most common culprit for sore nipples and talking to an experienced lactation consultant can do wonders for your latch.
Have your baby checked for a tongue tie. Two of my three babies had some kind of oral tie that needed to be fixed. It's better to be evaluated sooner rather than later.
Use a nipple shield—this temporary solution can help tremendously if you have flat or inverted nipples that your baby is having a hard time latching onto.

2. Cluster feedings

You know how everyone tells you that babies eat “every 2-3 hours”? Yeah that's bull 💩.

Breastfed babies often nurse frequently in a short period of time. Sometimes, it feels like they want to nurse constantly. This is called cluster feeding.

They often do this in the early newborn days before they gear up for their longest stretch of sleep (even if that sleep is only 3 hours) or as they grow and have growth spurts and suddenly have a higher demand for milk.

Don't worry if your baby suddenly demands to eat every hour (or less). It might be easy to conclude that you don't have enough milk to support your baby's needs, but the truth may be that your baby is just cluster-feeding, which is a completely normal and expected behavior of newborns or babies going through a growth spurt.

Some babies cluster-feed every single night before bedtime. This might look like eating at 3pm, 4pm, and 5 pm before their eventual bedtime at 6:30 where they nurse all the way to sleep and then have their longest “stretch” at that time. Other babies like to cluster feed in the early mornings which might mean that they wake up at 3 am, 4 am, and 5 am. This might drive you insane for a little while but rest assured that it's quite normal.

Cluster feeding tips

If you find that your baby is cluster feeding a lot and you're really starting to hate breastfeeding because of the sheer amount of times that you have to latch your baby, I've got some tips for you.

Try side-lying nursing. Allowing yourself to rest while nursing (especially at night when you're already half asleep) can be a game changer. This can allow you and your baby to continue to rest (or sleep) while they are at the breast and can prevent you from feeling like you're constantly up, fighting to keep your eyes open while your baby snuggles up every hour.
Use a baby carrier. If you're a busy mama with things to do and you find it difficult to stay still enough to feed your baby as frequently as they need, nursing in a baby carrier can be a game-changer. You can carry your baby around in the carrier while they happily nurse at the breast and nobody would even know the wiser.
Plan for it. If your baby has been cluster feeding more than usual lately, try to plan for it and give extra feedings at times that are more convenient for you.

3. Leaking Breasts

It might surprise you how much and how often your breasts leak in the beginning. I vividly remember being soaked most of the time. I remember telling my husband “I hate that I'm always wet all of the time”. That sounds funny but it's so true. Every morning I woke up in a puddle of breastmilk. In the middle of the night when my baby woke me up to nurse, my breast pads were already sopping wet and leaking into my bra. So even changing my pad didn't make me feel completely dry. I would have to change my outfit and my sheet in order to feel completely dry at night.

Not to mention all day, any time you hear your own baby (or anyone else's baby) cry or coo. Your body has the natural response to release milk for the baby even if you have no intention of bringing them to the breast at that moment.

Luckily, the amount your body leaks does slow down quite a bit with time. As you develop more of a routine and your body figures out how much your baby needs at what times, it will start to regulate it's milk production to meet more of a perfect need rather than all of that extra milk that ends up in pads and all over your clothes.

Tips for leaking breasts

Although this is a good problem to have because it indicates a robust milk supply, it can be annoying and frustrating in day-to-day life. In order to manage this, of course I have some tips.

Get some comfortable breast pads. Yes, there are about a million options on the market, but if they are folding, sliding around, or crumpling up in your bra, they are just going to frustrate you more. I love these ones.
Use a Haakaa pump. Instead of leaking into your bra on the left when you're nursing on the right (and vice versa), use a Haakaa pump to catch your letdown on the opposite side while you're nursing. Not only will this save you from getting everything wet, but it will also allow you to start a stress-free and minimal-effort freezer stash with what you collect.
Use milk-catchers in your bra if you're going to be out and about around the time of a feeding and leakage is highly likely. This allows you to catch the leak and save it for later.

4. Engorgement & Clogged ducts

If you've ever felt like your breasts were so full and hard that they might literally burst, you've experienced engorgement.

Engorgement is very common in the early days when your milk starts to come in, overnight if your baby sleeps longer than usual, or if your typical feeding schedule gets interrupted or changed for some reason.

The best solution for engorgement is to latch your baby and allow them to express all the milk that they can for a feeding. But if baby isn't awake, isn't interested in latching, or doesn't fully empty your breast, you'll need to relieve engorgement in order to reduce the pain and also help prevent clogged ducts.

So if you're feeling engorged or if you're noticing a painful area on your breast that might be a clogged duct, you'll want to treat it.

Tips to treat engorgement and clogged ducts

If anything is going to make me hate breastfeeding, it's this. Clogged ducts are the worst. Engorgement is so frustrating. Both of these things can lead to mastitis which is an even bigger reason to hate breastfeeding!

So, we've got to take care of it before we get to those points.

I encourage you to resist the urge to pump when you're engorged. It might seem like the best option to get all of the milk out and relieve the pressure, but that might end up causing more harm than good in the long run. You don't want to send the signal to your breast to make more milk when you're engorged. So instead, try this:

Hand express a bit of milk – just enough to relieve the pain or discomfort in your breast but not empty your breast.
Nurse on demand (instead of on the clock) so that your body is regulated by how much milk baby actually needs at each point of the day and night.
Have a supportive, comfortable bra that will support your heavy, tender breasts without putting pressure in areas that might lead to clogged ducts (aka don't use wire in your bras). You'll want to wear this bra even to bed and try to be bra-less as little as possible. I recommend buying at least two of your favorite nursing bras to get you started because, as I mentioned before, your breasts are going to leak.
Nurse baby on the side of the plugged duct often. Point their chin toward the clog (you can feel it with your finger. It feels like a small, pebble-like nodule that might be tender to the touch) while you nurse. You can also get a lactation massager to use vibration on the area while your baby nurses.
You can use heat on the sore area if you have a clogged duct or cold backs on your breasts if you are painfully engorged and need some relief. These Breast Therapy packs are amazing for both hot and cold therapy.

5. The Never-Ending fight for supply

Women often ask, “How do I know how much he's getting?” when they first start nursing. And the answer is this- you don't. You won't know how many ounces your baby is consuming. You're not going to visualize the milk that is entering your baby's tummy. And you know what? That's ok. It's more than ok. It's perfect.

You do not have to stress about the volume of your milk supply or measuring up to other moms who seem to have a more robust supply than you do. All that matters is that you are making enough to keep your baby growing and healthy.

But, trust me, I know how it feels to constantly have anxiety about whether or not I'm measuring up. Whether or not I'm enough. You're definitely not alone in that.

Women worldwide look to their milk supply whenever anything happens that could be a sign of a milk supply issue.

Baby is fussy? Maybe my milk supply is dwindling. Baby didn't sleep well last night? Maybe the didn't get enough to eat. My breasts feel soft. That must mean that my milk supply is tanking. I don't leak anymore. I guess I'm drying up. I'm only pumping an ounce. Is that what baby is getting when they nurse from me?! That can't be enough!

You know the drill…

Milk Supply Tips

So let's talk about some ways that we can avoid our supply causing us to absolutely hate breastfeeding.

Always measure your supply by looking at your baby. Not at your breasts. Is your baby having adequate wet and dirty diapers? Are they gaining weight appropriately? Does your pediatrician have concerns about your baby's health?
If your baby is showing all of the signs that they are hydrated and nourished, it's ok if they are fussy sometimes. It's ok if they have hard nights sometimes. It's ok if they are cluster-feeding and never seem satisfied with the breasts sometimes. Growth spurts happen and the more you allow your baby to stimulate the breast, the better your supply will be.
How much breast milk you can pump is not equivalent to how much milk your baby is getting when they are at the breast. Your baby is more efficient than the pump and does a much better job at pulling milk in a shorter period of time than your pump. Do not look at the volume you pump and feel discouraged that baby isn't getting enough. Look at your baby instead.
Feed on demand. Don't worry so much about making sure your baby is eating at certain times or intervals. Instead, watch for hunger cues and always offer the breast rather than a bottle, binky, or other soother when your baby shows hunger cues.

6. Pumping.

Pumping absolutely made me hate breastfeeding. Or, rather. I just simply loathed pumping. If I could just breastfeed my baby without ever worrying about collecting and storing milk, I would have been so much more content while breastfeeding.

But just like for many mothers, I had to create a milk storage stash for times when I wouldn't be around baby such as going back to work, going out with my husband for date nights, an afternoon away with friends, getting my hair done, etc. I needed to have backup milk to give to my baby when someone other than me was going to be caring for them for the day.

But, man, did I hate it.

Pumping felt like so much work to me. I had to have all of the breastmilk pumping supplies, I had to take the time to sit down and do it, and sometimes, it's uncomfortable if you do it frequently. Washing the pump parts, storing everything, and then repeating the process all day or every day is just exhausting.

There were times when I just wanted to stop breastfeeding so that I could stop pumping. Don't worry, I didn't actually let that stop me, but I did think about it sometimes.

So here are some tips to help prevent pumping from making you hate breastfeeding.

Pumping Tips

Don't overdo it. Pump as much as you need to. Not to compete with those crazy freezer stash photos on Pinterest. Please. You do not need hundreds or thousands of milk stored up. You just need enough to get you through a work day or at most, a work week of feeding your baby bottles while you're away. For many babies, that's about 30oz per day max. That's a max of 150 oz of milk stored for an entire work week. And remember, you're not burning through you're entire stash through the week. You're replacing it with the milk you pump each day.
When you're home with the baby (not at work), pump once a day when it's most convenient for you. Many moms pump after the first feeding of the day, but my personal favorite time to pump was after bedtime. Pick a time that works best for you and stick with it.
Put your pump parts in a plastic bag and store them in the refrigerator throughout the day. You can reuse them during your next pumping session that day. There is no need to wash pump parts all day long; just wash them at the end of each day.
Wear a pumping bra. Game changer for me. When I first started pumping, I held those suckers on like a lunatic. Never again.
Invest in wearable pumps that you can stick in your bra and wear throughout the day as you go about your life as normal. No more plugging yourself into a wall, getting stuck on the couch to pump, and dreading the moment when your baby needs you mid-session. Now, we can pump on the go with the pumps literally hanging out in your bra as you do the dishes and play with your baby. I literally wore these at work while I was taking care of patients.

7. Always wondering if your baby's symptoms are because of your milk

I'm not going to lie to you. I think that the number one reason why people quit breastfeeding before they are ready is because they blame their milk for literally anything under the sun.

Things to blame your milk for when really it's probably just your baby and not your milk

Fussy baby. It must be because of my milk.
Funny poop. It's my milk.
Gas. It can't be because my baby is human and produces gas. It must be my milk.
Spit up. It can't be that my baby has an underdeveloped GI system because they are a literal baby. It must be my milk.
Sleep issues. Milk.
Baby acne or other skin issues. My milk is bothering him.

I ~~hate~~ love to break it to you but all of these issues are also experienced by formula-fed babies. Every formula-fed baby? No, of course not. Just like not every breastfed baby. But maybe this baby just has reflux and it has nothing to do with your milk and everything to do with their GI system. Maybe this baby isn't a great sleeper just yet and actually your milk is the best thing for them.

Not every problem is due to your milk. I pinky promise.

Sometimes time is the answer. Lots of love and TLC is what your baby needs most of the time. Not necessarily a change in diet.

Of course, if your mama gut is telling you that something that they are eating is bothering them, then absolutely look into it. Just don't jump to that conclusion too quickly – especially if your desire is to continue breastfeeding.

Tips to help your baby that has absolutely nothing to do with your milk

Colic calm. I love this stuff. Especially with my first son who had the infant acid reflux, lots of gas, and was a very fussy newborn. It's natural without any crap ingredients, and it comes in small doses, so you're not filling your baby's belly up with gripe water but instead just giving small doses that will make them feel so much better almost instantly.
Windi. I used this sparingly on my babies but when I really felt that they were having a lot of tummy discomfort because of trapped gas, it worked SO well. It might look scary, but it's really not at all. It's safe and easy to use and will help baby release their gas instantly.
The Newborn Navigator: Mom's Pocket Guide to Baby Care. This baby-care guide goes over everything you're wondering about when your baby is giving you all of the yellow flags that you just don't know how to handle. Funky poop? There is a page for that. Gas? Reflux? Colic? There is a page for those too. Baby won't sleep? Won't settle? Wakes every time you put them down? Flip through this guide. Trust me. It's such a helpful tool when you're wondering what's going on with your baby and whether or not it's something you can handle on your own.

8. Back Pain and soreness

Breastfeeding over time can be really hard on your body. Especially at first when you are strategically holding and positioning not only your baby, but holding your breast, unknowingly leaning forward and hunching over to make it easier on baby but inadvertently making it a whole lot harder on you.

Although the best practice is to bring baby to the breast and not bring the breast to baby, sometimes we do it without even realizing it and then pay for it later when our shoulders and upper back are chronically sore. So, what can we do to make breastfeeding more comfortable and prevent us from starting to hate breastfeeding because of how it makes our whole body hurt?

Tips for soreness from breastfeeding

The best thing you can do is practice different breastfeeding positions. If you didn't already know, there are more positions than just cradling and cross-cradling your baby. You can do the football hold, side-lying, laid-back, and upright nursing. Changing up your position to help your posture can be so helpful.
Breastfeed in a comfortable spot. I encourage you to either side-lie in bed or sit, propped up with pillows and back support, in a comfortable and supportive rocking chair with an ottoman or a pouf to put your feet up on. This will prove to be so much better for you than slumping over on your deep couch that can hardly support you.
Use a boppy pillow or other nursing support pillow to bring your baby to the breast instead of your breast to your baby. Prob baby up as far as possible so that you can sit comfortably without leaning forward to get baby to the breast.

9. Lack of Freedom

You know how mothers everywhere jokingly and lovingly complain that no one can soothe their baby the way they can? Well, it's true.

A breastfeeding mom has the ultimate power to instantly calm their baby in any circumstance. It really is an incredible superpower that I wouldn't give up for the world. But at the same time, gosh, I wish someone else had that same superpower every once in a while. It can be really exhausting to constantly be wanted and needed. Am I complaining? Never. It's a blessing to be needed and loved. And like I already mentioned, I wouldn't change it for anything. But that doesn't mean I don't get tired, touched-out, burnt-out, and overstimulated by constantly using my arms and never having them to myself. It's hard. That's all I'm saying.

So, what's a girl to do?

Tips to achieve the illusion of freedom while breastfeeding

Use a carrier or wrap. Yes, your baby is still attached to you, but at least you can use your arms.
Use a tush-baby. As they get older and can sit up more independently (and get much heavier), a tush-baby is one of my all-time favorite products to use around the house, out shopping, or really anywhere where I'm going to lug around a baby that doesn't want to be confined to a carrier, stroller, or shopping cart. Your hands are free…kinda.
Create a routine that incorporates “You Time”. I love to nurse my babies to sleep at night but I try not to do it during the day. Instead, I try to incorporate the “E.A.S.Y” sleep routine for my babies so that they Eat, then have Awake time, then sleep, and finally, you'll get some You time before they wake up ready to eat. I know that this doesn't sound like any kind of mind-blowing discovery but after I was at my wits end with my baby who never slept and my pediatrician wrote this acronym on a sheet of paper in her office for me, it honestly changed my life. So maybe it will be for you too.
Have intentional “Me Time” at every chance that you get. I wrote a post about how you can do this easier than you think you can. You can find that post here.

10. Breastfeeding In public

I didn't hate this. And I don't think you should either. But I know that some people do. I get it. It seems scary or intimidating to “whip out a boob” in the middle of your favorite restaurant but I have a few things to say about this.

You don't have to whip anything out if you don't want to. Breastfeeding in public can be very discreet. If you're using nursing-friendly tops or a nursing cover, people won't be able to see any more of you than they typically would.
Even if you are showing more skin than you're used to…you're feeding a baby! It's the most natural, beautiful thing in the world. There is nothing provocative about it. This is your baby's food source, and if anyone wants to look away, they can feel free to do so.
You are protected in all 50 states.
All fifty states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location.
Thirty-one states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws.

Tips to make breastfeeding in public easier

Wear a nursing bra that is easy to snap on and off to quickly and smoothly pull the flap down and nurse your baby without any fumbling or adjusting.
Wear a nursing camisole under your shirt so that you can pull your shirt up without exposing your belly or back while nursing your baby.
If wearing a dress that doesn't have easy breast access, wear biker shorts under your dress so you can pull it up without exposing your underwear or too much leg for your comfort.
Use a nursing cover if you want to but don't feel pressured to. I liked to wear nursing covers when men were around. But that's just me. If I was somewhere where I was fully comfortable around women, I didn't care to put a cover on. But when I was around my dad, brothers, or friends and friends' husbands, I liked to wear a cover. This one is my preference.

You Don't have to hate breastfeeding. You can love it!

I hope you know that it's ok that you hate breastfeeding sometimes. It's ok that you don't think that every single part of breastfeeding is magical. It's ok that you don't even like it sometimes. But that doesn't mean that you won't grow to love it with a little bit of time and strategy on your side. Breastfeeding may be natural, but it's not always easy, and that's ok. You're a tough cookie and a good mama, and I believe you will do what's best for you and your baby.

If you need some extra help, encouragement, and guidance along your breastfeeding journey, I encourage you to join Milkies Like You Mean It – The Ultimate Breastfeeding and Pumping Course. You can get the entire course for $37 with the code MILKIES10. It's such a good deal for a course that will help carry you through your entire breastfeeding and pumping journey. Start today.

I'm so happy you stumbled on this post, mama. Happy you're here. You're doing great.

10 Reasons Why Moms Hate Breastfeeding & How To Make It Easier

Why I used to hate breastfeeding too