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I know first hand that labor and delivery doesn't always go according to a mother's birth plan. You probably have heard this a thousand times. I think this is why we have such a strong desire to control things when it comes to labor and birth. I believe that it's the fear of the unknown. We worry that if we don't plan out our childbirth, then the tornado of labor will hit and we won't be able to maintain control of it.

I get it. Really, I do.

The bad news is that having a birth plan is not going to guarantee you a perfect birth experience. The good news is that having a well-written, realistic, customized birth plan tailored to you and your baby will give you that feeling of control in an uncontrollable situation.

A PLAN for what you can do and what action steps you can take will help your birth experience be the best it can possibly be as it unfolds in ways you may not have expected. And if you do it right, you really can have the birth experience you are looking for.

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Please note: I am not a doctor, and I do not give medical advice. Information on this website is not intended to diagnose or treat any form of any disease.  This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am only telling you what my experiences are. Please refer to my Disclaimer Page for more information.

What Is A Birth Plan?

A birth plan is basically your game plan for the big event. It's a document that you and your partner create to lay out your “Plan A”. Making a birth plan can keep your thoughts organized and help you remember what your expectations of labor and birth are.

If a birth plan is anything, it is a communication tool used between you and your healthcare team. It expresses what kind of birth you desire and what ideas you have about what you can expect. It helps everyone involved get on the same page regarding your desires and mindset about the childbirth process so that they can support you better.

What A Birth Plan Isn't

I think over time the idea of a birth plan has been so warped. These are the things that a birth plan certainly isn't.

A Birth Plan is not a list of demands

If you want anyone to take your birth plan seriously, your birth plan cannot just be a list of demands for a group of medical professionals to follow in order for you to feel like you are at home with no one bothering you. We can be thankful for the team of nurses, doctors, or anesthesia providers who are there for us IF something does go a little outside of “normal,” so that they can intervene outside of our plan (with your informed consent) in order to get things back on track.

It's actually a GOOD thing that medical professionals aren't bound by the birth plans that we write while we are at home with no issues or problems in sight. It's great that the people on your team can think critically and respond to what's actually happening rather than what we hoped would have happened.

So, although your birth plan shouldn't be listed as a list of demands, it can be made as a Plan A, a guide for how you will work through your birth with flexibility for when/if things get a little wobbly.

A Birth Plan is not the “end all be all”

A birth plan is not the God of birth that has control over every situation you might encounter.

It is your perfect, shiny, golden “Plan A.” When something changes, there is often a plan B. But moving on to a different plan is not the end of the world. Keep in mind that adjusting one “bullet point” on your birth plan does not mean that your birth plan has gone out the window or that the rest of the plan can't be precisely how you imagined it.

Keep your mind open as you consider what you want and need as your birth unfolds.

Unfortunately, the birth plan itself does not have the magic. YOU do. You get to adjust and change things as you realize in the moment that a specific line on your birth plan doesn't feel so important when something else comes up that feels a whole lot more important now that you're actually experiencing it.

A Birth Plan is not a gift that someone can give you

A birth experience cannot be given to you. It's not something you pay for or can be handed to you by the right doctor or birth team. A birth experience is something that you create.

Sometimes, you might think that writing down your hopes and desires means that your birth team will read and say, “Oh, ok, yes, that's exactly what we will provide.” But if that were the case, no one would ever have a difficult birth, a slow labor, or a postpartum hemorrhage. Some things are out of anyone's control.

No one can hand you the birth that you desire, but that certainly doesn't mean that it is out of reach. You can have the birth you've been dreaming of as long as you understand what it takes to get there and what YOU can do to achieve it.

Your Birth Plan is not the decision-maker

Think about it… A piece of paper being the ultimate resource in the decision-making when you are birthing a child. What!??

Instead, it reminds you of what you hope for and desire. It's a guideline for you and your birth team to try to follow as long as risks and unexpected problems don't get in the way. It will lead you toward different decisions that you'll make to continue to have an incredible experience in the safest way possible for you and your baby.

There is no ONE decision-maker when it comes to labor. Your body decides on how to labor, your baby's health makes decisions that feel beyond your control, and you make decisions for yourself in the moment…even if they weren't the decisions you thought you'd make when you originally wrote your birth plan.

Should I Have A Birth Plan?

YES!

If you know what you want and have hopes and requests regarding your child's birth, then yes! Make a birth plan.

Are you surprised that I just said that? I'm a labor and delivery nurse suggesting that you have a birth plan. Yep. And I'm not alone. Many labor and delivery nurses enjoy taking care of patients with birth plans because it shows that they've done their homework and have an idea of what to expect, what they're willing to try, and what they prefer.

Although people often assume that Labor and Delivery nurses detest birth plans because they make our lives harder, I beg to differ.

Planning for the biggest day of your life is always a good idea. You should have an idea of what you want and don't want. That makes sense to me. And it doesn't make anyone's job any harder. It makes things smoother! The more you know, the less you fear, and a woman in labor who doesn't fear the process is usually calmer, more in control, and less tense during their birth. This makes things easier for everyone all around.

I wouldn't want to dive into childbirth not knowing what to expect, what's going to happen to me, or what my options were. It would probably be pretty stressful being in the middle of a contraction, not knowing what my plan is for pain or how I will get through the process (or what the process even is).

Listen, labor can be hard. The pain can sometimes be intense. And when you're laboring, it's not the time to try to learn or absorb information or make decisions about things that you've never heard of before. Instead, getting informed, feeling prepared, and having a plan before labor begins is essential.

Make it a priority to be prepared and understand what to expect during labor and the facility where you are receiving care. A birth plan, written ahead of time and reviewed with your provider, is a great tool for keeping an organized, stress-free mind when you arrive at the labor and delivery unit.

Plus, it is nice to have a list of things that you hope for available to the nurse so that we have a little resource to reference if we have a question and don't want to interrupt your labor process to ask you.

Why Would I Want A Birth Plan?

Sitting down and writing your birth plan brings to your mind things that you may not have considered before, and it helps you think of questions that you didn't even know you had. It's a great learning tool and way to let your team get to know you.

Many of the questions on it are probably on our list of questions that we routinely ask our patients anyway. It's nice to have it all laid out there in black and white so that we know who you are and what decisions you've already made. Fewer questions that we have to ask = shorter admission process = more time to labor without interruptions.

CLICK HERE to instantly download my FREE Birth Plan Preparation Worksheet. It's a great way to learn what to include in your birth plan and get a head start on those questions I was talking about.

Once you have your birth plan figured out, you will know that if your provider is offering you something that you have already expressed that you don't want, there is probably something going on that is outside of “typical” or outside “normal” or not going quite as planned. At this point, you'll want to inquire about the risks, the benefits, and the alternatives to some of the interventions you're being asked to consider.

Having a birth plan worked out prior to this point makes the process less overwhelming and helps you feel more informed and ready to have these conversations with your team without feeling like your only option is to nod your head and say, “If you say so.” Working on your birth plan at home before labor begins is the key to having the confidence that you need to ask questions, request alternatives, and feel confident in the decisions that you make during your birth.

Where Do I Get A Birth Plan?

I've created a birth plan that is good for ANY mama wanting ANY type of birth. If you are the woman who wants to walk in the door and get an epidural right away, it works. If you are the mama who wants to labor without any pain medication and push in whatever position your little heart desires, it works.

There are many birth plans online, but none like this one. It's not a checklist of things you can mark off, it's not a bunch of yes/no questions, and it's not rigid.

The problem with the birth plan templates that you can find all over the internet is that they are either 1) too long, 2) too broad, 3) too complicated, or 4) just a bunch of checkboxes to mark.

Do you want to bring in a list of checkboxes where many items don't apply to you? Or would you rather have a list specific to you that includes everything that you want and nothing you don't on your birth plan?

I would choose the latter.

So, I've made it simple to create, easy to follow, and respectful to your healthcare team.

Print it out, keep one for you and one for your healthcare team, and you're ready!

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE ONLY BIRTH PLAN YOU'LL EVER NEED

What isn't in a good birth plan?

As you write your birth plan, you might be wondering, “What should I put on it?” or “What goes into a good birth plan?” but that question is hard to answer since every mama is so different, and each of our desires or image of an incredible birth is so vastly different. So instead of asking, “What should I put on my birth plan?” consider these things as what not to put on your birth plan.

The Obvious

Many things routinely listed in birth plans that you find on the internet are redundant and overshadow some of the more important bullet points on your list. You don't want pages and bullet points that include some of the things that are already very obvious or “one size fits all”. Those things will take up room and make it easier to overlook some of the important things that are unique to you.

There are a million things that your labor team most likely already does for every person that doesn't necessarily need to be listed on your birth plan. Things like avoiding c-section unless medically necessary, allowing your partner to stay in the room with you, and asking for consent before giving medications are standards of care that would be abided by regardless of whether you wrote it down or not. So my suggestion is to write down things that aren't obvious. Things that are unique to you. You have made decisions about these things and hope to work towards them as your labor progresses. For example, if you would like to use intermittent monitoring rather than continuous monitoring, that might not be a standard that your birth location uses, so it would be a good thing to write down so that they know what you want AND to remind yourself of the decision that you've made when you're laboring and having a hard time remembering everything that you looked into during your pregnancy.

The Trendy

SO MANY TIMES I have asked my patient the reasoning behind not wanting to give Vitamin K to their babies or not wanting Pitocin after delivery or not wanting to push on their backs, and they have no idea. The problem isn't that they are declining an intervention. The problem is that they haven't considered exactly what they accept or decline. If you think about each bullet point on your list and the reason why you're declining something or why you're requesting something, the only reason you can come up with is…

“I don't know”

“I heard it's bad for the baby.”

“So and so told me that this is what I should do.”

“My best friend had a bad experience with it.”

“That viral TikTok video told me it's bad.”

…then I encourage you to look deeper into the intervention you're considering requesting or declining and figure out how you really feel about it.

If you have a strong opinion about something, then you should know what the intervention is for, what it's used for (aka its benefit), and why you are opposed to it (aka its risks, side effects, possible adverse outcomes that can come from it, etc). Stay informed. You are a mom now, and it's your job to protect and care for your baby as best you can. Step one in doing that is to make choices for yourself and your baby based on accurate information…not trends on the internet or experiences circulating among your close friends.

To some, it's just a cute idea to say the words “delayed cord clamping,” you know? To be clear, I agree with things like “delayed cord clamping,” but I don't agree with making uninformed medical decisions for you and your child without understanding the risks and benefits.

Know your WHY.

Explanations

I do want to know the reason behind your decision-making process, but it's not something that you'll need to put on your birth plan. Let's just talk about it! Your birth plan needs to be concise and easy to reference. You should be able to glance at it and know what you want and don't want.

For example, you don't need to list reasons why you don't want an episiotomy. Instead, you can simply list that as something you'd prefer to avoid, and then if the time comes that your team believes you might benefit from one, they'll know to talk to you about it first, let you know why they think that an episiotomy might be a better course of action for your specific situation, and get your consent before moving forward with it.

Although reasoning is super-important, a birth plan needs to be as concise as possible to ensure nothing gets missed or lost in a sea of words on a page.

If you have a very strong belief about something, I encourage you to talk about it with your nurse ahead of time so that she understands where you're coming from on a face-to-face basis. Sometimes, this helps you get to know each other and bond through the process as well.

Is There A Right Way To Make A Birth Plan?

There is a way to create a realistic birth plan that your birth team will read and remember.

As a labor and delivery nurse, I've encountered just about every type of birth plan you could imagine. Can I tell you something? The best and most effective birth plans are the ones that fit on one page.

Try my customizable birth plan. It has a cover page with personal information, a one-page birth plan you can customize yourself, and a visual birth plan to keep in your birthing room to reference with your partner. It's the ideal birth plan, and I highly recommend using it. 

Understand who's in control

Please, as you write your birth plan, remember that we are not in control of everything.

There are things that only your body/baby is in control of, and neither you nor your healthcare team can predict or prevent these things from creating some “left turns” in your plans. Things such as your baby's heart rate being non-reassuring or if your baby poops while still inside can mess up your plans. These things just can't be predicted.

But who else has control over your labor? YOU. You are in control of many things, such as lighting, music, aromatherapy, relaxation techniques, who you want in your room, and your mindset during your birth.

We cannot control how close together your spontaneous contractions will come or how fast your cervix will dilate. But there are things that you and your labor team can do to make those things that seem out of your control a little less scary and a little more manageable. To figure out what these things are, it's essential to do the work in creating your plan and working through some of the possibilities that might come up in your birth that might make plan A look a little bit more like plan B and how you can adjust your course without throwing your entire plan out the window.

Do your research

You should know what might happen, what to expect, and what your opinions are on these things based on research that you have done.

If you go into the hospital informed and prepared, you will do great! The first step is reading informative blog posts like this one. So, it looks like you're doing pretty great so far. Take it to the next step and enroll in an online prenatal course. It'll be one of your best decisions throughout your pregnancy.

Be Flexible

For any mother, first-time or not, it can be overwhelming to sit down and try to predict what labor will be like. It's hard to decide for yourself before the time comes and you know what kind of situation you'll be in.

That's why it's best to be as open and flexible as possible while still expressing your desires and concerns with your team.

Be realistic

Every labor is different, every mother is different, and every baby is different. So instead of creating hard stops in your mind that make you feel like you've “failed” if they happen, create an action plan that will help you avoid those undesirable things but allow you flexibility and acceptance if you come to the decision that you're ready to change your birth plan when reality looked a little bit different than you thought it would and that's OK.

• Related Read: 8 Things Your Labor and Delivery Nurse Wants You to Know About Having a Hospital Delivery

What Should I Do With My Birth Plan?

Alright, are you ready for it? The BEST advice that I could possibly give you regarding a birth plan? The number one big honcho piece of advice? Here it is:

TALK to your provider. COMMUNICATE with your nurse. That's it. There you have it. If you do that, you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to get on the same page and have the same goals for your labor and birth.

When things progress, don't hesitate to remind your nurse or doctor what your wishes are. If there is something happening that you have specific feelings about, express them. Your nurse should be happy to explain what is going on and have a chat with you about the risks, benefits, and alternatives to the options that have been presented to you during your labor process.

• Related Read: 16 Indispensable Pregnancy and Labor Tips From A Labor and Delivery Nurse

Step ONE

First things first. Once you make your customized birth plan, bring it to your doctor or midwife and let them look it over. Have a conversation with him/her about your expectations and requests to see if you can all get on the same page.

Make sure you know what your situation and your health requires of you before you walk onto the unit with a detailed plan that doesn't make sense for your situation.

Step TWO

Talk to your nurse when you get admitted to Labor and Delivery. Tell her about your birth plan. Have a conversation about it (or have your partner do it) and build a relationship with the person who's going to be helping you during the birth of your child.

Step THREE

When something is offered to you, ask for the risks, benefits, and other options. This will allow you to make decisions based on YOUR LABOR, YOUR BODY AND YOUR BABY. Don't make decisions for yourself based on someone else's labor experience.

Most likely if you have a conversation with your doctor or midwife, they will tell you that they would be happy to follow your birth plan and talk to you about what's going on if it looks like something is veering off course so that you can feel confident continuing to make decisions for yourself.

If you try to understand the reasoning behind the decisions that are sometimes made in the hospital, you will have an easier time making a birth plan that makes sense for you and that you feel confident about AND that your birth team is on board with as well. It is YOUR delivery, but we are all here to help you achieve the birth you've been dreaming about.

Congratulations, Mama

No matter what the situation, no matter what kind of birth, you are an incredible, amazing, strong, super-human MOTHER.

Sometimes your birth plan might need a plan B, C, D, and E because, let's face it, things change. But what matters is that the safety of you and your baby come first before any birth plan.

Instead of being attached to the idea of a perfect birth plan, get attached to the idea that you will have an empowered birth where you get to make decisions for yourself with confidence while a birth team is by your side, guiding you along the way, being your resource when you need it.

Congrats, mama, at the end of this, no matter what happened– you've done it. You are a success story!

Did you have a birth plan? How did it work out? Or are you pregnant trying to figure out what you want on your birth plan? Leave your insight in the comments!

What To Read Next: 

• How To Manage Visitors In The Hospital When You're Having A Baby
• 16 Indispensable Pregnancy and Labor Tips from A Labor and Delivery Nurse
• 25 Amazing Gifts For Pregnant Women in 2018
• 8 Things Your Labor and Delivery Nurse Wants you To Know About Having A Hospital Delivery
• The Ultimate Guide To Packing Your Hospital Bag: What To Bring When You're Having A Baby